Sunday, October 15, 2006

QUANGO-QUACK

SQA is indebted to Michael Plumbe of the Society for Individual Freedom and the Queen's English Society for the following witty glossary on quasi-autonomous national government organisations (QUANGOS) against which SQA has railed for two years.

The unintended contribution of modern government to culture,
and particularly to the development of language, is often
overlooked and is something for which taxpayers should be
duly grateful. It gives something new for the education
system to study, for instance. Here is one modest example:

Noun: Quangocrat: a member of a Quango
Verb: Quango: I join a Quango
Quangare: it takes two, or a dozen or so, to Quango
Quangavi: I joined a Quango and am now a Sir or a
Lady for my outstanding services to quangodom (qv)
Quangatum: I had a good dinner last night

Abbrev: qc, pronounced `cwook' (to rhyme with `brook') to
avoid confusion with QC, said as `queue-cee' and
used by others who are not cwooks.

Derivatives:
Quango-quack: the language of quangocrats
Quangaloo: mobile collection unit for quango output
Quangarees: down-to-earth clothing for dirty work
Quangarese: quango-quack translation for the public
Quangaroo: a jumped-up official
Quangarule: a quangocourt ruling from which there
is no appeal
Quangazette: confidential quangocratic organ
Quangocourt: unofficial body which enforces regulations
Quangocracy: an ugly word; better, quangodom, qv
Quangocrazy: a useful description for many a quango
Quangocrem: sometimes linked to a quangovac, qv
Quangocreme: the elite
Quangodom: quangocrat heaven; hell for the rest of us
Quangondom: wild-oats curtailment device
Quangomatic: laundering (and sanitising) machine
Quangonomist: one who can't quite live on the pay from
quangos but finds it does rather help
Quangopomposity: the dignity of a quangocrat
Quangompost: rotting pile associated with some quangocrats
Quangopile: a fortune, origin dubious; sitting comfortably
Quangopiles: misfortune; sitting uncomfortably
Quangopoloy: buggins' turn selection; winner gets Whitehall
Quangopops: wind from over-indulgence
Quangorgan: wind-blown publicity device with trumpets
Quangorganic Quangoculture: sustained organic growth,
pesticide resistant, much use of smelly fertilizers
Quangorum: the number of quangocrats who have to gather
together to justify claiming expenses
Quangoscope: rear-view observation device to spot `tails'
Quangoscopy: the operation of such a device
Quangostasis: quangocratic constipation (rare)
Quango-train: all expenses paid
QuangoTV: Orwellian entertainment for the masses
Quangovac: removal device for dead quangocrats
Quangovacation: fraternal official visit, with `partners',
to quangos in nice places abroad
Quangovation: praise; obsequiousness
Quangover: quangocratic celebration-party result
Quangovet: knee-jerk killer of animals suspected of
having foot-and-mouth infection
Quangovision: quangocratic dreams of world-domination
Quangrave: hi-jinks in a quangocratic burial-ground
Quangum-mechanics: skill in becoming a quangocrat by
being married to, sleeping with, or knowing well,
someone high in Government circles
Quank: a crank mainly but may also be user-defined
Quankie: wiper-away of crocodile tears
Quank-you: back-hander to or from a quangocrat
Quantity: page 3 in the Quangazette
Quaint: adjective for the Monarch and for Democracy
Quasi-quango: Local Authority Council (has elections)
Qurauts: foreigners
QIY: make your own quango

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